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Angel Second Class · 13 April 2010


black screen with title


MOTHER


(from off screen)


Please give us one more beautiful baby girl.


FATHER


(quieter but still off screen)


Or one boy, beautiful or not.


INT.Heaven.laboratory.day
(it is always daytime in heaven)


Archangel MICHAEL and Angel Second Class (ASC) DEANNA are talking about the last step to becoming an Angel First Class (AFC) and getting her wings (ASCs do not have wings but oddly enough, neither do archangels).  In the laboratory, there is a counter, an oven, and a bunch of vials of ingredients with strange names.  MICHAEL carries a clipboard.  DEANNA is soaking up all the information.  Two other ASCs, TIMMY and TOMMY, are in the background whispering and snickering.


MICHAEL


So the last step in becoming an Angel First Class is to help with the creation of a baby.


DEANNA


(nodding vigorously)


Creating a baby.


MICHAEL hands DEANNA the clipboard.


MICHAEL


(smiling)


Make sure that you follow the directions exactly.  There are no measurements to make but you need to make sure that the ingredients are correct.  Do you understand?


DEANNA


(nodding even more vigorously)


Correct ingredients.  No measurements.  Got it.


MICHAEL


(smiles knowingly)


I will come back when you are through.


MICHAEL exits.  TIMMY and TOMMY enter from the other direction.  TIMMY holds something behind his back that DEANNA cannot see.  TOMMY looks over DEANNA’s shoulder and starts to read aloud.


TOMMY


To make a baby…


DEANNA grabs the clipboard and puts it behind her back where TIMMY is standing.  While TOMMY and DEANNA are talking, TIMMY exchanges the sheet he was holding with the one in the clipboard.


DEANNA


(interrupting)


Excuse me but these are my instructions for making a baby and becoming the next Angel First Class.


TOMMY


(smiling mischieviously)


I suppose that it is about time for you to make the grade.  You have been at it for quite a while now.


DEANNA


(defensively)


About as long as you Angel Second Class TOMMY.


TOMMY


(apologetically)


Whoa.  You are right.  I have no right to talk.  Especially since I am so far behind where you are in getting promoted.


TIMMY rustles the paper he is trying to put in the clipboard and DEANNA turns on him.


DEANNA


(accusingly)


What are you doing?


TIMMY


(innocently)


Nothing.  Just listening to you two chatter.


TIMMY rustles the paper again behind his back as he tries to hide it in his pants.  DEANNA looks behind his back and grabs the paper she finds.


DEANNA


(red with rage)


You switched the recipe!  I cannot believe that you would do such a thing.  Especially when I am so close!  I could just scream!


TIMMY


(teasingly)


Oh come on.  We were just kidding.  Besides, who of us can fool The Big Guy?


TOMMY


(agreeing)


Yeah.  Nobody can fool Him.  Besides, we just wanted to have fun and wish you the best.


TIMMY


Yeah.  No harm, right?


TIMMY gives DEANNA the recipe.


DEANNA


(suspiciously but accepting)


Okay.  I guess.  No harm done.


DEANNA hugs both TIMMY and TOMMYTIMMY and TOMMY both leave.  MICHAEL comes back in to check on DEANNA’s progress.


MICHAEL


Hello boys.


TIMMY AND TOMMY


Hello sir.  Goodbye sir.


MICHAEL


Goodbye boys.


MICHAEL smiles as TIMMY and TOMMY leave.  He approaches DEANNA as she is getting back to the counter and her recipe.


MICHAEL


So is everything alright?


DEANNA


(relieved)


Yes sir.  I got off to a slow start but I am ready to begin.


MICHAEL


Then I will leave you to your business.


MICHAEL leaves smiling broadly as he exits.  DEANNA goes about her work getting down a mixing bowl from the cabinets, finding and looking at containers of ingredients, and finally adding the ingredients and stirring them together.  She hums as she works.


DEANNA


(happily)


Sugar and spice and everything nice.  Hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum.  Snips and snails and puppy dog tails.  Hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum.  Sugar and spice and everything nice.  Hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum.  Snips and snails and puppy dog tails.  Hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum.



DEANNA places the mixture into a pan and places the pan into the oven turning a nob (like a temperature nob on an old-fashioned oven) and setting a timer (again, an analog timer) for 9 months.


int.hospital.delivery room.day


“Nine months later” appears on the screen.  The DOCTOR is holding up a new baby boy.  The MOTHER is sweating from exertion and the FATHER is beaming with pride as he holds his shrunken and deformed first two fingers.  The imprint of the MOTHER’s hand can still be seen on the fingers.


DOCTOR


You are the proud parents of a healthy baby boy.


MOTHER


(shocked and wide awake)


A boy!


FATHER


(shocked but proud and beaming and maybe a little relieved)


A boy.


MOTHER


(still shocked)


But the sonogram.  We have pictures.  There was no…  The sonogram.


Six girls (sisters of the new baby) with a man and woman who are obviously one set of proud grandparents come in to see the baby who has by now been wrapped up and is being held by the proud FATHER.  They gather around the pair with the shocked MOTHER still in the background.


FATHER


Meet your new baby brother.



INT.HOSPITAL.above DELIVERY ROOM.DAY or ext.heaven.day


TIMMY and TOMMY are laughing.  DEANNA is shocked and trying to make sense of things.  MICHAEL is smiling.


TIMMY


(obviously amused and ecstatic)


Angel First Class.  Ha!


TOMMY


(also obviously amused and ecstatic)


Right!


MICHAEL


(amused at TIMMY and TOMMY)


Exactly.


TIMMY AND TOMMY


(confused)


Huh?!?


DEANNA


(confused as well)


What?


MICHAEL


(knowingly, compassionately, amusedly)


“The Big Guy” has a sense of humor too.  The joke is on you.


MICHAEL winks at now Angel First Class DEANNA and puts his arm around her.  He also puts his other arm around the confused TIMMY and TOMMY as they exit.  TIMMY and TOMMY are still flabbergasted and DEANNA is ecstatic as they leave.  As they are turning to leave, DEANNA’s new wings are shown.


DEANNA


Really?  I made it?


MICHAEL


You made it.


DEANNA


(quietly and reverently)


I made it.


TIMMY AND TOMMY


(dejectedly)


She made it.


THE BIG GUY laughs from all around them as the angels walk away from the new parents, baby, and doctor.  The father is as proud as can be and the mother is still confused.


after credits


A sonogram of a baby whose gender cannot be determined is shown.  A man can be heard humming in the background.


MOTHER


(offscreen)


But we have the sonogram…


FATHER


(offscreen)



Snips and snails and puppy dog tails.  Hum hum hum hum hum hum hum hum.


© 2010 Michael T. Miyoshi

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